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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?